A Week Into Knowing

It’s been a week. Actually, it was a week at about 7PM last night. At 7PM, seven days ago, I emerged from my bedroom where I’d been holed up trying to make sense of what had just happened.

Just in from work, my husband handed me the mail. A large red envelope was addressed to me. Trying to make out the return address, the first name was an illegible scrawl, but the last name was Jones, the town was ours and we know Jonses in our almost-a-town. I opened the card.

The card was large and unsigned, which I noticed after some folded papers slid into my lap. I opened the papers and in the right-hand corner was the bold signature of a name I recognized. No, in fact, it was not the Joneses. This person, a man, is not someone I knew, but someone who’d tried contacting me in recent months.

Looking over my shoulder, my husband saw what I was looking at and asked for the papers. I gave them to him, based on what I knew so far: the card-sender (red is so subtle, BTW) was a deluded man who called to rant, rave and accuse my husband of having an improper relationship with his wife, an old high school friend whom my husband had “friended” on Facebook.

I held my hand out waiting to get the papers back for what seemed like an eternity as my husband read page after page. He was “screening” and protecting me from the lunatic. Inside, something kicked into gear and went on high alert. If my husband refused to hand those papers back to me? I was going to be angry.

Suddenly, my husband made a decision. “You simply cannot see these, they are just too upsetting,” he said as he left the room. Seconds later, I heard the sound of the paper shredder in action and the atmosphere in the room suddenly turned supercharged.

Seriously, Houston. We do have a problem.

First post, December 9

Table of Contents

1 A Week Into Knowing

2  Where We Were

How I Am, Really

The Lost Love

The Outburst

Q and A



The Calm Before The Storm

10 The Other Shoe

11 He Is Sad

12 The Promise

13 Moods

14 Sad and Suspicious

15 Fear, An Awful Place to Visit

16 Heal or Be Crippled

17 From “Friending” to Affair

18 Revenge

19 Shut Up

20 What’s She Got?

21 Why Do I Care?

22 Her Facebook

23 Love Hurts

24 “Number Withheld”

25 Sandra Bullock and My Defining Moment

26 Thanks, Jesse!

27 From Now On?

28 Crashing and Burning

29 Clean-up

30 Trust

31 Inching Towards Normal

32 A Dilemma

33 The Dilemma, Case Closed?

34 Not So Fast…

35  Triggers

36 It Takes As Long As It Takes

37 Recovery Is For Both

38 Coming Home

39 Coming Home, Part 2: The Letter

40 The Odd Bad Day

41 Anniversaries, Tragedy, Chutes and Ladders

42 Elizabeth Edwards Puts Things in Perspective

43 The Comfort of Laura  

44 Fifteen Months In

45 Where We Are, What’s Next

46  Author and Extramarital Affairs Expert “Dear Peggy” Vaughan Passes

47 You Can Burn His Stuff, Later – Introduction

48 I Need To Tell Someone

49 Decisions

50 The Man he Is

51 Husband Speaks

52 The Solidarity of Our Pain

53 The Patraeus Affair and Secrets

54 Peggy Vaughan’s Work: “It’s all you need.”

55 The “Need to Know” -Why We Need Answers to Our Questions by Peggy Vaughan

56  A Dedication to Peggy Vaughan – Founder of BAN by Ann Bercht

57 Why? How Could I?  by Husband

58 Letters From The Wreckage: Bernadette