Notes From The Wreckage
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Category Archives: Emotions
“The Need to Know” – Why we need answers to our questions by Peggy Vaughan
When learning of our partner’s affair, most of us feel an intense “need to know” – asking questions to try to make some kind of sense out of what has happened. Read Peggy’s article here, at the Beyond Affairs Network
Posted in "Need to know", Affair, Anger, Dear Peggy, Depression, Discontent, Emotions, Extramarital affairs expert, Fear, Grief, Husband, Men, Offender, Other Woman, Peggy Vaughan, Trauma, What Would Peggy Say?
Tagged "need to know", Answers, Peggy Vaughan, questions
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Peggy Vaughan’s work: “Read it all. It’s all you need.”
A comment on “Extramarital Affairs Expert “Dear Peggy” Vaughan has passed.” I read thirty books before I came to Peggy’s. There I stopped. It was all there, no need to go further. As a matter of fact, her rational straightforward and … Continue reading
The Patraeus Affair and Secrets
As the Patraeus affair remains newsworthy, at least, to the moronic media, we, here, at our house have barely mentioned it. We don’t watch much broadcast news, here, at home, although Husband gets more than plenty since he is in … Continue reading
The Man He Is
“Realize that the way the offender reacts/acts is huge in whether or not anything can be saved.” Sarah The night I learned of my husband’s affair was such a bizarre, surreal, wacky trip. He’d been outed by his lover’s husband, who had been … Continue reading
Decisions
“I’ve always said, it’s not conflict which kills a marriage; it’s unresolved conflict.” The concept of any decisions needing to be made confronted me by way of my closest guy friend, someone I’ve known fornearlyever. I spilled my guts and he reacted, … Continue reading
Posted in Anger, Reactions, Revenge, You Can Burn His Stuff
Tagged decisions, divorce-worthy, unresolved conflict
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Introduction – You Can Burn His Stuff Later
Letters and answering them have brought to my attention the need for a little guidance when slapped in the face by discovery of an affair. I was in shock, for weeks, let alone the next day or the first week. Paralyzed, actually, … Continue reading
Posted in Advice, Behavior, Emotions, Fear, Reactions, Recovering, You Can Burn His Stuff
Tagged respect, uncertainty
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The Comfort of Laura
When I first learned of the affair, I told 2 people very close to me, both of whom were furious with anger. One was female, the other male; people who have known me all or most of my life. When … Continue reading
A Dilemma
I noticed a message on my phone and checked the voice mail. It was a message from my sister-in-law, Husband’s brother’s wife. Brother’s Wife and I have been good friends over the years and have gotten closer, as have Other … Continue reading
Inching Towards Normal
I’m surprised. I am feeling so much better than I was over the past few weeks. Much better. Yesterday, I was printing out copies when the magenta ran out and I thought Husband had said he’d changed it. Just at … Continue reading
Posted in Anger, Emotions, Recovering
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Clean-up
Finally came to a peace agreement around noon, Sunday, if you can call it that. Maybe we were too exhausted to go on. He was sorry, we talked some more and he eventually came to the conclusion that I misunderstood … Continue reading
Posted in Anger, Depression, Emotions, Fear, Lost Love, Other Woman, Suspicion
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Crashing and Burning
Long, long, long day. There is a little conflict here on why I don’t feel so well after not knowing where he was for a few hours and he is upset that I have the nerve to be upset and … Continue reading
Posted in Betrayal, Depression, Ego, Fear, Other Woman, Suspicion, Trust
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From Now On?
Someone tweeted, “One’s best success comes after their greatest disappointments.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher. I don’t remember who the **** Henry Ward Beecher is, but, really? Really, Henry Ward Beecher? Because if I decide to believe this, and I have … Continue reading
Posted in Affair, Anger, Betrayal, Discontent, Emotions, Grief, Our marriage, Reactions, Secrets
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Thanks, Jesse!
Well, Jesse, thanks to your cheatin’ heart, along with the rest of you, we have gotten to the bottom of the mystery of the Why. Why guys cheat, which Deborah says (in comments) is different than why women cheat, which … Continue reading
Posted in Affairs in the Media, Betrayal, Grief, Jesse James, Sandra Bullock, Why men cheat?
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“Number Withheld”
Yesterday, I heard a strange sound. An old cell phone my husband stopped using last summer began to ring. It has a very distinctive ring, so I instantly knew what it was, even though he had “retired” it. I … Continue reading
Love Hurts
After my Checking-Out-OW’s-Facebook-Meltdown, my friend sash wrote me another one of her awesome letters: I’m sorry it feels so heavy on your shoulders. Sadly, you ARE the only one that can work through your process. Whether it’s letting go, grieving, … Continue reading
Posted in Anger, Facebook, Husband, Other Woman
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Her Facebook
It happens every couple of weeks, when things get feeling a little too “back to normal” and it begins to feel like I am doing all of the heavy lifting in marriage recovery. You know, the reading, the reflection, the … Continue reading
Posted in Affair, Anger, Emotions, Facebook, Lost Love, Opportunity, Other Woman, Our marriage, Reactions, Secrets, Shock
4 Comments
Why Do I Care?
Why do I care that she is younger than I am? Dunno. Just sort of do. What am I really upset about? Okay, I’ll tell you. Elizabeth called me the other day to catch up and she mentioned Tiger Woods’ … Continue reading
Posted in Affair, Anger, Discontent, Emotions, Other Woman, Reactions, Step-families
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What’s She Got?
Explanations such as, “By the time I realized it was too late, it was too late” are not at all helpful and only cause that question mark hanging over my head get bigger and bolder. Soon, it ought to be … Continue reading
Posted in Affair, Anger, Emotions, Fear, Other Woman, Our marriage
6 Comments
Shut Up
I love telling my husband to shut up. I haven’t done it for a while and I only began doing it a couple of years ago and although it violates my long-established philosophy of life to say it? I get … Continue reading
Posted in Anger, Behavior, Betrayal, Emotions, Other Woman, Reactions, Shock
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Revenge
On the days reality bites like a cold mackerel across the face, or better yet, the sting of a hard slap on a wet behind and I feel a little hatred for my husband, I tell someone else. This … Continue reading
Posted in Emotions, Grief, Revenge, Shock
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Fear, An Awful Place to Visit
I’ve been living in fear. Fear is not a mood, but it’s a true mood-killer. It’s there like a hellish foundation of all that is horrible and terrifying. It’s accompanied by dread, something which gives the fear some strength, backbone, … Continue reading
Moods
Moods. They are all over the place and change so rapidly I’m surprised I don’t have whiplash. This minute I feel leveled, devastated, sick to my stomach. Last night, I felt comfortable sitting here on the sofa with my husband … Continue reading
The Promise
He was distressed over the promise he made two months ago. I asked him to tell someone about the affair. He asked me what he could do and I told him what I wanted him to do “without discussing it … Continue reading
Shock
“Whatever you are thinking about me I deserve,” said my husband, today. Again. Spent a lot of the day curled up on my side on the bed. Wish I could pick a mood and stick with it, but once I … Continue reading
Posted in Grief, Reactions, Shock, Tragic
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After His Affair 
A Dedication to Peggy Vaughan – Founder of BAN by Ann Bercht
“I, and thousands of others, will be eternally grateful for Peggy Vaughan and her bold, honest and pioneering work in helping the world recover from affairs. If only I had found her during my own recovery, my journey would’ve been less painful. … Continue reading →