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Notes From The Wreckage
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Author Archives: Lyn
Why? How Could I?
Trish asked these questions in comments. My wife also asked the same “why” and “how could you” questions. I don’t know that you’ll ever get a “satisfactory answer,” because there is no answer that will make you say, “Oh, OK … Continue reading
“The Need to Know” – Why we need answers to our questions by Peggy Vaughan
When learning of our partner’s affair, most of us feel an intense “need to know” – asking questions to try to make some kind of sense out of what has happened. Read Peggy’s article here, at the Beyond Affairs Network
Posted in "Need to know", Affair, Anger, Dear Peggy, Depression, Discontent, Emotions, Extramarital affairs expert, Fear, Grief, Husband, Men, Offender, Other Woman, Peggy Vaughan, Trauma, What Would Peggy Say?
Tagged "need to know", Answers, Peggy Vaughan, questions
1 Comment
Peggy Vaughan’s work: “Read it all. It’s all you need.”
A comment on “Extramarital Affairs Expert “Dear Peggy” Vaughan has passed.” I read thirty books before I came to Peggy’s. There I stopped. It was all there, no need to go further. As a matter of fact, her rational straightforward and … Continue reading
The Patraeus Affair and Secrets
As the Patraeus affair remains newsworthy, at least, to the moronic media, we, here, at our house have barely mentioned it. We don’t watch much broadcast news, here, at home, although Husband gets more than plenty since he is in … Continue reading
The Solidarity of Our Pain
“We each are suffering our own individual train wrecks, but when stepping back you see they are all, indeed, train wrecks and many common themes. ” – Sarah, affair survivor Have you ever felt such pain? I don’t care if … Continue reading
Posted in Betrayal, Friends, You Can Burn His Stuff
Tagged insanity, suffering, surreal
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Husband Speaks
I am Lyn’s husband and I had an affair. I cheated on my wife. Depending on where you are in your journey, you might feel that there isn’t anything I could say that would interest you. I would suppose that … Continue reading
Posted in Husband, Love, Men, Offender, Our marriage, Recovering, Trust
5 Comments
The Man He Is
“Realize that the way the offender reacts/acts is huge in whether or not anything can be saved.” Sarah The night I learned of my husband’s affair was such a bizarre, surreal, wacky trip. He’d been outed by his lover’s husband, who had been … Continue reading
Decisions
“I’ve always said, it’s not conflict which kills a marriage; it’s unresolved conflict.” The concept of any decisions needing to be made confronted me by way of my closest guy friend, someone I’ve known fornearlyever. I spilled my guts and he reacted, … Continue reading
Posted in Anger, Reactions, Revenge, You Can Burn His Stuff
Tagged decisions, divorce-worthy, unresolved conflict
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I Need To Tell Someone
It’s the morning after…you know what’s happened. The sun still rises, the kids still run down for breakfast, the dog is doing the “I have to pee” dance of joy, the milk gets spilled, the cat throws up, the husband…will … Continue reading
Posted in Advice, Friends, Telling others, You Can Burn His Stuff
Tagged drama, indiscrete, this is about what I need, what should I do?
4 Comments
Introduction – You Can Burn His Stuff Later
Letters and answering them have brought to my attention the need for a little guidance when slapped in the face by discovery of an affair. I was in shock, for weeks, let alone the next day or the first week. Paralyzed, actually, … Continue reading
Posted in Advice, Behavior, Emotions, Fear, Reactions, Recovering, You Can Burn His Stuff
Tagged respect, uncertainty
6 Comments
Author and Extramarital Affairs Expert, “Dear Peggy” Vaughan Passes
Dear Survivors, Two days ago, I received an email from James Vaughan, husband of Peggy Vaughan, via Dear Peggy’s mailing list. Author and extramarital affairs expert linked to from this blog, Peggy passed from this life into the … Continue reading
Where We Are, What’s Next
I owe an apology to my readers for taking so long to update this blog. A year and a half since I last posted? I can’t believe it. Where has the time gone? Gratefully, that time, or precious little of … Continue reading
Fifteen Months In
Fifteen months into this unexpected, unwelcome hot mess thrown into my lap. November and December were pretty rough, I have to admit, with the anniversary of the day of discovery, compolicated by some unrelated health and family issues, December, indeed, … Continue reading
Posted in Recovering
12 Comments
The Comfort of Laura
When I first learned of the affair, I told 2 people very close to me, both of whom were furious with anger. One was female, the other male; people who have known me all or most of my life. When … Continue reading
Elizabeth Edwards Puts Things in Perspective
It’s been a year to the day since my husband’s affair was revealed to me by the husband of the OW via Christmas card. I expected it to be a worse day than it was and wondered if every December … Continue reading
Posted in Affairs in the Media, Elizabeth Edwards, Forgiving, Men, The Battle, THE NEW REALITY
2 Comments
Anniversaries, Tragedy, Chutes and Ladders
The odd bad day turned into a bad week which spun out into a bad month. Anniversaries; of my mother-in-law’s death, which we never mourned properly because of the interruption of the discovery of the affair, 19 days later. A … Continue reading
Posted in Dear Peggy, Peggy Vaughan, Reactions, The Reveal, What Would Peggy Say?, You Can Burn His Stuff
Tagged anniversary, pain, tragedy
1 Comment
The Odd Bad Day
It’s been so long since I’ve had a bad day that I’ve forgotten when the last one was. I hit a couple of rough patches in June and July, but August was a welcome time of shift in focus and … Continue reading
Posted in Other Woman, Reactions, Triggers
1 Comment
Coming Home, Part II: The Letter
My husband thought the email was a good idea, and read it when I had finished. At that, I sent it. The day after I sent the email, H. was checking his voicemail at work when he heard her voice. … Continue reading
Posted in Email, Ending the affair, Letter, Other Woman, OW's husband
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Coming Home
It’s fitting that I am writing this as I take the train home. Going home, is by the best of accounts, returning to a place warm and comfortable, feeling joy. The experts say that it takes at least two years … Continue reading
Recovery Is For Both
Things are painful enough that I decided to go back to The Source, Peggy Vaughan, to see if I could find some help. Why I didn’t do this sooner? Who knows, but as I wrote in an email to Peggy, … Continue reading
Posted in Advice, Dear Peggy, Extramarital affairs expert, Peggy Vaughan, Recovering, The Battle, Triggers, What Would Peggy Say?
Tagged disappointment, pain, rejection
2 Comments
It Takes As Long As It Takes
Someone said that it’s not conflict that’s bad for a relationship, but, unresolved conflict which takes a mighty toll. I know, now, that’s the bottom line in a previous relationship, even though there were a number of other factors raging at … Continue reading
Triggers
I hate surprises and triggers qualify as surprises of the worst category. One can be flipping channels and bump into shows entitled, “Why Men Cheat,” or be browsing the news and see headlines telling of how another couple is broken … Continue reading
Not So Fast…
It totally figures. Finally, you realize that you’re not thinking about What Happened every waking minute or even every other waking minute. In fact, you can’t quite remember the last time you were even experiencing angst or fury or vengeful … Continue reading
The Dilemma, Case Closed?
I feel like a slacker not having updated since I wrote “A Dilemma.” That dilemma was such a major part of my life throughout much of the past 6 months, a giant wall between myself and other people. You’d … Continue reading
Posted in Behavior, Family, Revenge, Telling others
5 Comments
After His Affair 
A Dedication to Peggy Vaughan – Founder of BAN by Ann Bercht
“I, and thousands of others, will be eternally grateful for Peggy Vaughan and her bold, honest and pioneering work in helping the world recover from affairs. If only I had found her during my own recovery, my journey would’ve been less painful. … Continue reading →