After a fairly quiet day, it’s become clear that my husband is substantially depressed. He stopped talking a few hours ago and then when I asked him about it, he said he was thinking about things. He just lost his mother 3 weeks ago. Then there is us. Then there is the son who doesn’t think he wants to come to Christmas. The short version is that somehow that got whipped into him being angry and leaving the house. The roads are snowy and never any place for a distressed driver.
He keeps telling me if I want to know anything I have to ask him. I say that I don’t feel I should have information parceled out ot me one question at a time over 400,000 questions, just tell me the story, what is he afraid of? He says he is afraid I want too much detail.
My thing is I don’t feel he is willing to let go of his ownership of the secrets of the affair and so, to me, we are still in the affair mindset, if there is such a thing. I’m on the outside of their private world.
After His Affair 
Hmmmmm sounds so familiar as to what I went through in 2009. Was it something in the water?
Me too – November 2009 – weird!
So well said. My ex did the same thing. He didn’t want to give the details. Supposedly to protect me, but more likely to protect himself. The problem was that I wasn’t protected. Once I knew, others came forth with details. And each new detail cut like a knife. I went through it over and over again.