Heal or Be Crippled

Writing about painful things is like vomiting poison.  Getting it out is essential.

When someone asked me if writing calms me, I thought it over.  For me, language is vivid and powerful, and by expressing it, some emotion is purged.  One has to walk through the fire to get to the other side, that’s how all trials work.  No sidestepping pain, but when able to live in the present, there is less pain. That said, I still have to deal with the ugliness, but there are few alternatives: heal or remain crippled.

This entry was posted in Recovering, Tragic, Trauma. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Heal or Be Crippled

  1. Amy says:

    I love your writing style. Woman to woman: why are you staying? I’ve only been married 3 1/2 years and yet I cannot imagine being betrayed and choosing to trust, again. Trust is difficult for me to begin with so perhaps my disposition would not allow me to give a second chance. Rejection hurts. I am sorry for your pain.

    • Lyn says:

      Thanks, Amy.

      Why am I staying? One reason is what our relationship has been over the past 15 years. There is a whole lotta love, enough that we never thought that an affair could happen to us and were not prepared for the tempatation. Arrogance on our part. I have always said that an affair is not enough to throw away a good marriage. I totally did not think that I would have to face that reality.

      No one is immune, looking at the figures: Sixty percent of married men and 40 percent of married women admit to affairs, which means the numbers are hihger. Experts suggest that probably 80% of marriages are touched by affairs.

      Another reason is that making decisions based on my emotional reactions has never worked out well for me for me in the past, so, I stopped doing it quite a few years ago and have been much happier, over all.

      There are other reasons, also, which will come out in my entries.

      Most women do forgive their husbands and the ones who don’t and divorce from wounded pride are usually sorry, according to the data. Men, however, tend not to forgive.


      • Cheryl says:

        Lyn, I’ve just found your blog through a link from another healing marriage. After 18 years of marriage, I found out 6 months ago my husband had been having an affair for 18 months. The hardest thing in the world, as you know, but I never considered leaving. His choice to break all contact, answer all questions and hold and love me as I traverse all the pain and emotions is the reason I’m still here. Staying might look weak but it’s anything but.

        Writing has also helped me and I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings. As I’m sure you’ve heard before, it’s like I could’ve written your words.

  2. Lyn says:

    Thank you, Cheryl. It has been worth it!

  3. Jade says:

    After 20 years of being together I am trying to come to terms with my husbands bj a once off found out feb this year it happened 3.5 years ago. It is so hard but writing in my journal helps and reading these sites helps thank you

  4. jamie says:

    Writing is so therapeutic. And fortunately for me, there are some men (like my husband) who would never consider leaving. When my husband learned of my seven year affair, he never wanted to leave. This was hard for me to understand. And here we are seven months later, through much prayer and counseling, sharing the story of our healed marriage. Writing these things are also important for all the women out there who have experienced this but are too scared to talk about it. They need to hear there is hope, understanding, encouragement.

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