Why Do I Care?

Why do I care that she is younger than I am?  Dunno.  Just sort of do.  What am I really upset about?  Okay, I’ll tell you.

Elizabeth called me the other day to catch up and she mentioned Tiger Woods’ press conference and how she wanted to see what he looked like.  A paper had printed that he had wounds on his face unrelated to his accident and she overheard a couple of medical professionals whispering about him being in town for oral surgery.  Well, no one has seem him since November, I’m trying to recall, certainly not myself because I could have cared less about this infidelity business until I found out about my own infidelity business a couple of weeks afterward, and even then?  Let’s just say that ATM, I am all about me.

Anyway, Elizabeth went on to say how she was bothered by the double standard, specifically the terminology the media used with Woods, such as, “straying husband” or whatever.  She said, “You know, if it was say, Britney Spears, they’d be all over her, calling her a ****.”

Maybe, but whether or not people wailed on Britney is not the real danger, since they seem poised to do that, anyway, but the real issue is the double-standard with men and women.  Oh, man, don’t get me started.  I’ve become a bit cynical since my heart has been broken.  I used to think my husband was different, that we were different, and not just because I thought we were special or anything, but that was also the feedback we got.

Well, in short, let’s just say I am not feeling so special, anymore.  As a couple or otherwise.  We aren’t any different than any other couple where one partner can’t keep their pants on or can’t use feeling under-appreciated because the other partner failed to fulfill expectations of how a seriously depressed 17 year old should be handled as an excuse for teaching me a lesson.  It was a difficult time for me in a different way. My ego wasn’t bruised because the other one of us was not doing what one thought they should.  Why?  In truth, because I was used to being ignored when I addressed issues concerning his kids’ mean-spirited behavior towards me and my kids.  I have also learned that stepparents tend to be a lot rougher on their step-kids than their own kids.  Having had 2 stepparents myself, this information was no surprise to me, but what the surprise was is that it went on in my house, and it was not only the husband, to be honest.,  The step-kids were unruly enough that I was pretty ticked and seriously felt that my kids were expected to act one way while his kids thumbed their noses at our effort to unify parenting philosophy.

No abuse, but lots of pain and most of that fell to the adults.  If the truth be known, most of it fell to me, since it was clear he was going to push for his agenda and pushing for my agenda ended up getting ignored and feeling alienated.  In the interest of trying to live harmoniously, these issues largely were abandoned, then his kids got older and decided they didn’t need us.

In any case, he wanted me to come down on my kid, who was ill and I ignored him because I didn’t want to get chewed up between the two of them.  Under doctor’s orders to avoid stress, it seems as though the cosmos conspire against me to stress me to the max and **** my life on a daily basis.  I wasn’t ready to die, so I tuned him out.  He felt unappreciated and abused.  He found his old girlfriend.

****, I wish I’d have known that getting a boyfriend “as an escape” as he says, was an option at all, but somehow that memo missed my in-box.  What do I do when I am stressed?  Well, it seems like what I do when I am stressed regarding anything to do w/Husband that I just take it on the chin.  I sure as **** am more of a man than he is, sometimes.

This entry was posted in Affair, Anger, Discontent, Emotions, Other Woman, Reactions, Step-families. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Why Do I Care?

  1. courageouslover says:

    I admire your honesty. Taking it on the chin allows you to be tough, but I wonder if there’s a place within you that is stronger. Meaning, is there a way you can communicate that allows your real voice to be heard by the audience that needs to hear it? Can you find a way to express your hurt and confusion directly?
    Michael Sherman – http://www.CourageousLovingNation.com

    • Lyn says:

      Thanks, Michael.

      I generally express myself more directly in poetry. I feel safe doing that…but I believe I am holding back from writing poetry right now because the pain is so deep…trying to avoid losing my grip on some semblance of sanity.

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