Well, Jesse, thanks to your cheatin’ heart, along with the rest of you, we have gotten to the bottom of the mystery of the Why. Why guys cheat, which Deborah says (in comments) is different than why women cheat, which is why men don’t forgive their women cheating. Makes sense and supports the data that women forgive cheating more easily (not that it’s easy) than men do.
Apparently, it doesn’t occur to a man that when he cheats and then tells his loved one that he still loved her while he was cheating, that we are totally perplexed. If you love us so much, then why cheat? After much thought-wrangling, my logical conclusion is that they indeed, do love us…just not enough to stop them from cheating. FAIL. I get that cheating may on occasion be an impulse, but, still…I don’t call it impulsive when someone gets in their car and drives an hour to meet their lover. There is a whole 60 minutes to turn around and go back, not to mention making sure the gas tank was full.
Which brings us to the “ego” theory. We women just don’t get it, how a guy reportedly is looking for ego-stroking because he wants it, or wants more, can’t get enough of it, needs to prove to himself that he has? Is?
Men’s stories are, “It doesn’t mean I don’t love you/her,” “I never stopped loving you/her,” “It didn’t mean anything.” Here is a real disconnect for the women you men are trying to persuade not to leave you or kick you out. How does this psychology work, exactly? Can we somehow span the abyss to understand one another or do we just have to make a decision to cut our losses and accept the unacceptable…that, to men, affairs are superficial soul candy? That’s a bitter chunk to swallow. Bitter, bitter, but that may be just what it is.
Still doesn’t make it right, Jesse. Promises are meant to be kept.
So, now…my husband is struck mute with grief that I have figured out that he didn’t love me enough to keep from cheating. He can’t speak. He looks ill. He does love me, I know that and others tell me that they see it, but…I guess he ran out of love or it fell short and in the gap between his love for me and his desire for her, he was able to justify it or put it out of his mind where it wouldn’t pester him while he had his cake and ate it, too.
It’s been a rough day for him and it was only 10 o’clock when he said so. Coming on to a tough weekend, I guess.