Inching Towards Normal

I’m surprised.  I am feeling so much better than I was over the past few weeks.  Much better. Yesterday, I was printing out copies when the magenta ran out and I thought Husband had said he’d changed it.  Just at that moment he sent me a lovey text and I fired back at him that the printer was not doing what I needed.  He called me on the phone to talk me through it like when Doris Day had to land the plane  in that movie?  I’d never done this printer, before.  So, we go through all of this brouhaha and finally, I asked, “Have you used this brand of ink before?”

I already knew the answer.


I was so ticked because the whole morning felt like a wild goose chase and one of  the extremely annoying things about engineers is they think because they think something should work, that it should.

Wrong.  So many times wrong, I might add.

Anyway, I was miffed and he said he would come home for lunch, which like sounded good so I could wring his ****ed neck in person: still annoyed.

He did come home, we had lunch together, I didn’t hurt him, he twiddled with the printer crud and something occurred to me.  Something felt almost…normal, so I said,

“You know, I think this is a good sign.”


“Doesn’t it feel good for me to be mad at you about something petty for a change, as opposed to the other thing?”  He looked like a light bulb went on and grinned.

And, for good measure, I was annoyed at him later for some other petty thing, so…it seems we really uprooted some disturbing and ugly weeds this weekend.  Things suddenly feel more normal than they have in months, although the past few months have not been completely painful, there has been an an underlying current of pain which ebbs and flows so that sometimes I’d fall through the ice.
Still, it has only been 3 days since the meltdown.  Last time was 11 days between rough spots?  It takes as long as it takes, but I don’t want to drag it out and bludgeon him and keep him feeling like crap about it, either, because…that also makes me feel bad, in addition to not being fair.  Oh, it’s fair for him to suffer, some, but not fair to MAKE him suffer.  Exactly.  Though I would like to smack him in the back of the head once in a while. I also enjoy telling him he is stupid, mostly because I never did that, before and he is so opposite of stupid, which has never stopped anyone from doing stupid things.

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